Myaogu'irce Park: "What's the timeline password?" I asked

And so it was that there was a means to which I might travel when I needed to. I found it by accident while raiding my mind. Defiantly I rose to the occasion of what could be a challenge and dismissed morals screaming to me that I reconsider... The violent potential repercussions actions can ensue played harmoniously as background music heard only from the depths of my mind whilst I went to work checking the settings on control panel I myself had designed.

If what I was about to do was possible then soon the world it's self would change. Every scope of reality would become a blur and when I brought it back into focus I would find my time had been extended past what could be conceived. It would be 1994 again though in reality still present time. No one else will have memory of the years past and no evidence of it's existence will be left. I will be the only one left to remember and that's my advantage. If however I find this mechanism to have a fault, the universe will cease to exist.

I calibrated the dials one last time and set the unit on the ground. My mind was racing with the possibilities of time travel while my machine just made sounds. Creating such a racket I was sure others might hear I looked around to make sure no one was watching. Assure I was still alone I sat and waited for my program to load. At once there was a beep! I sat there staring at the machine, my complexion froze. I saw neither the past nor an explosion of any sort. Surely I had activated the device properly. Then at once it disappeared. I searched all over for it not understanding where else it might go.

The next morning I awoke on the ground face down in the grass. I must have searched for so long my mind had to sleep at last. At once a box caught my eye and I sprang up to converge on it. Doing so only shortened the time which passed before I realized it was only a package. But then I saw the label. It was addressed to me!

As I tore open the box and removed it's contents I was surprised to find it was a pair of gloves and a hat, from my mother. As I turned confused as to how they had reached me here in the park I was welcomed by a familiar face. It was my landlord, and in his hand he held out documents which I quickly deducted must also be mine. I recognized them before I read them, and knew they meant I was evicted. He explained before he left that my things were outside the doorstep, and I was seven months behind in my rent.

I asked him what year it was, though the answer was quite clear. He explained it was 94' and suggested I invest in a calendar. I told him he was funny and asked to be excused for not laughing. He merely smiled as he walked away. He knew it wasn't 94' and it gave him much pleasure to poke fun where fun need not be poked.

Quickly I asked him why he brought me this package and nothing else. He replied honestly that it was not he. Then he mentioned that it resembled what I was carrying last night when I went out.

where I am...

I'm on my dad's comp right now. I have this major computer error with my drives right now so it looks like I'm going to be gone from myspace a few more days. Anyone trying to get a hold of me has a hundred percent better chance of doing so by calling me. My number is still 503-484-5690 but later in the day it might be in on the charger and I'll get back to you.

A practiced run-on (299 words, one sentence)

Coming from out of the dark searing my eyes with light that burns and melts my flesh away revealing bare bones and withered tissue beneath my flakey exterior which I had so carefully placed to hide what I did not wish for you to see knowing that you would not have had accepted me had you known of my faults and wrongs just as I can not accept myself in this way which is why I needed you to help me find a better part of myself that I'm sure does not exist except perhaps in my dreams where you are with me and I am not this person whom you run and hide from in fear of becoming a monster which I would allow you to do because I love you to much to allow things to become complicated like that between us though it seems I have failed already in that aspect for I know you but it seems you do not know me as anything more than a fear haunting you with each time I open my mouth though my only intent is to say hello and perhaps to introduce myself so that perhaps we might become familiar and could maybe see each other while moving into a relationship but of coarse now I've stepped ahead of myself and in this my secrets are revealed and you see past my shield right through to the meaning of all that I do and some how my actions scare you so you hide from me and I back away knowing the use to be useless and lacking purpose and as I back away I turn into the dark while a tear lines my eyes and my figure becomes nothing more than a memory which can not be forgotten.

Sleeping is a curse.

Hunger fills me as emptiness circumvents my last defense. I tried so hard not to but have failed and now it's gotten in. Thoughts turn to dust and imagination barges in, making what seemed forgotten remember that I hadn't forgotten anything at all. Reminiscing on past actions and the lack there of I feel pain and frustration driving me mad. Tearing me up inside I fall apart only to pick myself up again to suffer through more torture brought to me by myself in an attempt to meet a ends or perhaps to find something underneath which I can not decide. The red blots out my sight making everything to unclear to decipher. My view is skewed and everything becomes a single color.

I sit and for a while nothing happens, everything makes me skittish, all my senses are twisted. Finally I let go, that's when it comes. My sight returns and I can smell. I'd know I could touch and feel but your not there and that's how I know, I've not forgotten my love for you nor will I ever. I break down and cry trying to understand why this is happening to me. Why is it that I can't just forget what I must forget to survive, what I can't have, who I can't be with? It makes a hole and buries it's self deep inside me and again I get up and move on. Maybe tomorrow night I won't feel this way.

Pardon my intrusion

Climbing into bed I curl up beside you,
Kissing you on the forehead I study your figure,
Amazed by your beauty I couldn't imagine being without you,
Holding you tight I will see you in my dreams tonight.

A tear presses through my eyes as I dream of you,
Your beauty beholds me while the world tears me away,
Kissing your forehead once more before you awake,
I get up and leave you asleep.

My mind returns to what I must do,
The real world isn't as nice as my dream world with you,
As I fold up my hide-a-bed and put you away,
My thoughts and love for you are filed away.

weird poem

Once there was a magical land,
and it was there that the biggest plants did grow.
All the farmers wanted in,
so that their seeds they may sow.

I was left to guard this land,
to watch over it until the end of time.
The trust was laid before me,
the farmers could not to enter to take what is mine.

The farmers came,
and all at once they fought.
Their forces multiplying,
they accomplished their wicked plot.

Then the land was planted,
and the farmers raped the soil.
Nothing grew there anymore,
and the farmers just went away.
I was left standing,
Holding nothing but the blame.

Myaogu'irce Park: Saturday night with Mark and Little Tim

Laughing like there was a stand up death match night at the comedy club with Robin Williams and Chris Rock both telling black jokes. I rolled out from behind the bench as my older brother told his friend he liked her. This was only funny because she started laughing at him. I had tried to hold it back myself but after about five minutes I realized she wasn't happy to hear this, but rather didn't take him seriously. That was funny all on it's own. Take into account that he was head over heels for this girl "friend" of his and it was hilarious.

As I rolled out from behind the bench my brother turned and walked away angry and upset, which only made me laugh harder. He was always doing this, meeting a girl and falling for her. Never did she return the feelings, and two times out of three she'd find it funny. I'm sure the third thought it was funny too but just managed to escape sight before bursting into laughter.

Suddenly though she got serious and called out to him to stop. He did almost hesitantly, as if it was his imagination. The look on her face seemed concerned, like everything that was so funny only moments ago all made sense now. He turned with tear streams in pause on his face, as though on hold until needed again. She looked at him and asked him if he was serious. He replied only with a node of approval. After that a moment passed where we all sat in silence. She was searching his face for something, any sign of dishonesty. Then all at once she smiled, and stood. He smiled too, and they walked off down the park trail holding hands and giggling like children.

I just lay there, staring into the darkness where they had vanished. That was the first time he'd gotten a girl to like him. Then I couldn't help it, I just started laughing again. I was thinking about what she'd do if he asked to touch her butt.

A short poem...

Sewing the hole in my world one stitch at a time,
moving as fast as I can without messing up.
Watching as the light escapes into the nothing,
thinking about the dark that leaking in.

Another tear might form over there,
something might rip that stitch if it's not done right.
Have to finish quickly,
before the world I love is swallowed by darkness.

Me, where I've been...

I moved!!! Now I'm in stinky old Hillsboro. So if you haven't noticed, then you aren't reading this either, and the rest of you can now know, I'm not dead!... Or am I?

I'll have internet of some kind soon, like a month, but untill then I'm not around the cyber-world much.

Myaogu'irce Park: The crazy under the bench

Catching a ray from the sun and imprisoning it in my clutches an evil grin spreads across my face. Glowing light pleads for release through the cresses in my fingers. This time I will get away with it, only the girl can stop me now. I've taken care of her already however. There will be no interruptions this time.



The wind was blowing hard now in the park,

and because I'd caught the light everything was dark.



I tried to think if I knew why I would do what I was about to do.

But nothing came to mind, so I went on chanting the words,

the words to end all time.



When at last I'd finished, the sky opened up. Fire and lighting poured down from the heavens above. Suddenly there were people. They were running, and I liked what I saw. A little boy came running by, and he stopped for a moment. He knew what I'd done, and it scared him the most. He was no more then 10, and he looked like hed just seen a ghost. I laughed at the boy. Pointing my filthy gloved hand, and in the air rang the sound of my crackly laugh, raspy and harsh. The little boy ran.



When I awoke, all the world was the same. The people who passed still pointed and called me names. Laughing at me as I lay under the bench in the park only half aware. Only my hangover to comfort me, covered in newspapers to help me sleep. They point their fingers and mock me, calling me crazy. A little boy approaches me, and with a serious tone in his voice, says "Last night you destroyed the world, and I died." Somehow this bothered me, even though I knew he was just reading my mind. Then he snickered and ran away, telling his father that I was the crazy. The one who always dreamed of destroying the world.

Myaogu'irce Park: Old and Dead

"Have you heard the news?" Asking no one while sitting in the park,
the old man did cry out. "It's my birthday and I'm turning..." stopping quietly in mid-sentence, with that he slumped over and fell away from the bench.

The passers by simply stepped around him while the birds paid him no attention at all. It didn't matter how old he was, nor was it of any importance how or why he died. The fact was he laid there now in the fetal position next to the bench. It was no question that he was dead, oh no. However if anyone should stop to do anything, that person might get in trouble. These days being anywhere near a crime scene or even calling in a death could get a person thrown into jail. Finger prints could link a person to the crime, then that person is a suspect, if no other conclusion is reached then that person is accused and while a good story may weigh heavily in their favor who knows how the judges day has been going. The judge may decide to end it all and have the person locked away for years until more evidence concludes their innocence.

Getting up slowly after a good five minutes had passed, the old man looked around baffled that he did not have a crowd, or even one person at his side. "You know in my day if a person died unexpectedly everyone ran to see if they could help!" He shouted clearly agitated. After having said his peace the old man sat back down on the park bench and waited there for a minute or two.

"Have you heard the news?" The old man shouted once more, clearly having forgotten the whole incident. "It's my birthday and I'm turning... eight.... no... nine-hundred and twelve!" Still looking confused yet sure of his math, "Oh what joy instant recovery from death has brought me." Speaking only to himself now, staring down at his feet as if to cry. "If only it wasn't too late, maybe then I wouldn't be so lonely..."

What's the point?

Id wear it and I know that I should.

It doesnt fit quite right but thats not the point.



If I wore it then Id see her.

I do want to see her.

But thats not the point either.



She thinks lowly of me and it hurts me to know this.

I could change it if I saw her.

But thats not the point.



If I changed her mind then she might like me.

If she liked me I wouldnt hurt anymore.

Thats also not the point.



I could make the pain stop.

I dont want to hurt like this anymore.

It doesnt matter what I want.



If it doesnt matter what I want,

Then it doesnt matter that I want her.

Thats the point.

Towards what likes and hates

1) So I figured out why Ashley freaked when I said hello, she doesn' remember me. So I basically came off as some "retard" who may or may not be on his meds.

2) DQ sucks, not the food, not the ice cream, not even the job, but the people I have to work with. I swear last night I might as well have been the manager. Today I'm going to ask Viccy to show me which light switches do what, and if Filiepe' ends up being my manager again, I'm going to tell him togive me the keys, and the code to set the alarm, and go the fuck home.

3) I'm bored, anyone else got friday off? I'm going to go see Pirates of the Carribbian... I think that's how you spell that.

Particals of nothing Atoms... floating in my head.

I tear myself apart, each and every night.
Staring at the blotts of darkness, that stick to my eyes.
Lying awake unable to rest, thoughts and memories run rancid through my head.

It's not that I want them to go, but that they're out of control.
I couldn't stop it if I wanted to, and I wouldn't if I could.
I want it to continue, but I want it to change.

These thoughts come and I know what they mean.
I already knew I loved her, and that bothers me.
I know I can't see her and it kills me.

Sometimes I'd like to drill a screwdriver into my head,
to digg the images out and forget about it.
Sometimes I'd like to see her again, just so I could tell her.
Tell her that I love her, even if it means it's the end.

Every now and then I'd like to go to sleep, and never wake up.
Then I wouldn't have to try sleeping again, and the memories would stop.
Maybe it's all in my head.

That one girl

Sparkling like glitter mixed in with the magic a rainbow in a puddle of oil holds on a childs attention. Floating as though gravity its self has lost its mind or given up all hope of fight.



A single moment passes as I watch as she walks past, and I find it hard not to stare. I imagine in my mind I've already gotten off the train, and that for no reason can I not just shout out that I think she is, one of thee most beautiful women I have seen.



I knew before I even saw her that she was there, and even once I saw her, all I could see was her hair. But I knew, oh yes, I could see through those walls, and if only I had better judgment of my own abilities, I'd of been smart to jump off the train then.



I could still see her smiling even after we'd passed, and though I knew I could get off and catch a train back, I knew just as well she wouldn't still be there smiling. I knew I had just lost my chance.



So as I watched her hair bobble with those cute little pig tails in the back, that wonderful orange hair that shine so beautiful. I thought about how I'd find this girl again, and what I might say when I did.



Bobbling so delicately but not with the wind, I swear I saw magic, like sparkles, take flight where she'd been. I know its not love this feeling be named, but perhaps its the feeling that still feels the same.

Long Poetry

The Storm

by August



Tearing holes in me, shredding my insides like paper.

This tornado hits close to home,

I watch as those around me run for cover,

while I stand my ground.



I know this fight I can not win,

but running would not save me either.

As blackness quickly sweeps down the street,

I look onward pretending to pay it no attention.



For it is not the tornado that terrifies me,

Nor is it the death and destruction that will follow it's strike.

My fear lies with what has true importance,

as I stare at her, frozen with fear.



It is only her life I will try to save,

and you might think that a selfish thought.

But no one else is near me anyways,

not that I'd try to save them either way.



I reach out gently,

extending my hand carefully,

nodding for her to take it.

Waiting for what seems like a lifetime,

while she stands there,

fear stricken and hazy eyed.



When at last I gain her attention,

she waits only a heartbeat before taking my hand.

It is clear to me that she does not understand,

having never witnessed anything this horrifying,

living the sheltered life, as I once had.



I turn to lead her forward,

towards the storm we must go.

To run will lead to certain death,

to face will take us past the test.



She jerks her hand away in panic,

clearly having believed we were headed away from the storm.

Before she turns to run I cause her to pause for a moment,

as I ask her if she trusts me,

whispering it almost inaudibly.



She screams at me in reply,

with complete horror spelled out across her face.

That she does not trust me,

and turns almost instinctively to run.



I watch as she is sucked up in the spin of the storm,

and I feel as though I've been robbed.

A great sadness overcomes me,

as I try not to think of what came of her.

Thoughts/reflecting

Overcome with sadness, this remembrance of the past. Thoughts of what used to be echo through my head causing chills, why I can't quite comprehend. Resounding thoughts of recent events turn quietly in my head, slowly driving me mad. What is it that brings me back to this subject? It could be the love, or perhaps it is my curiosity. Perhaps I would move on but am unable to do so due to a lacking of further goals. Do I hide a secret aggression for the dismissal of my feelings? If so, combined with my love could explain some of my thoughts. However, I don't typically harvest aggression for such senile acts.



It would happen to be the case however, that immature acts and pain are what make our lives interesting. Perhaps her act of avoiding me has subconsciously made her all that more desirable.

Perhaps someday

What would I do if you said yes, this question I dare not ask. These pointless debates leading me to this point no matter the change. Perhaps in an alternate dimension I could be with you, but not in this one. Here you shun me as though I were the plague. You declare that I might be stalking you, and make sure that I could do no such thing. I could if I dared, I even know how, but why would I? Such actions would only push you away further and faster.

I stare at the wall and thoughts of what might have been resound in my head, teasing me in the most painful manner to be done. Teasing me for what reason I dare not pursue. Pain is but a small price to pay, the larger price is not pain, but rather the absence of love. I did love you, hell I still do. If I saw you again and suddenly, without reason or method, you decided you would have me, and would not consider in my mind, not ever for a second. I would take you where ever you wanted to go, do what you wanted me to, I'd be whipped, and I'm not afraid to admit it. Those who think they are stronger than love must be very lonely.

I'd love to be your number one zero, and keep you in the corner of my eye. I'd love to pretend to be your friend as another person, just so that I might know you. Just so I could read what you write. Just so I could know when you were sad, or mad, or needed a shoulder to cry on. But you won't have it. If you won't have it then I won't try to give it. I'll just take my lumps and move on. For as sad as I am, I'd never be able to forgive myself, come the day you'd want to meet this other person, I'd have been pretending to be, and instead meet me, running in fear and hating me for the rest of your life.

For as much pain as it causes me to let you go. I feel it's the right thing to do. I hope that someday in the far off future, when at last I see you again, you can finally forgive me, for the fear I somehow caused you. It was never my intention to hurt you, scare you or anything else related to those less desirable things. I only wished for the chance to get to know you a little better. Perhaps I do, and I just don't know how to except defeat.

I claim the sanity plea...

The sentence came down hard, like fire on ice.
The judge stood her ground, and pulled out a knife.
While I might plead my case, I couldn't find the heart to fight.
I knew I was wrong, even if I was right.

My lawyer turned around, a blank look on his face.
Said I could file an insanity plea, and I might win anyways.
I ignored this notion, and made it clear to him so.
As I pulled out a pen, and began to write down my goodbyes.

I betroth my possessions to the bums on the street, lay them out and let them take what they please.
I betroth my friendship to those who would receive it, I need not mention who they might be.
I betroth my feelings to those who I've known the longest, and who do truly know me, they are the support I have relied upon in my times of need.

As for my last wish, I ask only this. That the judge take my life with understanding of why I did what I did. Why it was I tried so hard to do what was wrong. Why I would not accept the insanity plea. Why I leave this world so willingly.

Fuck life!

At this point I'm fucking plain pissed! I've all but had it with this bullshit, fucking stupid ass school and work crap. My teacher really felt she had to keep me 5-10 minutes so she could inform me that I wasn't doing well and why. Like I'm some kind of fucking idiot! I know I don't have over half the terms assignments in. I mean I'd have to be an absolute fucking moron to not know that. I mean what the fuck? Like there is any way I can do anything about it there in class? I wanted to leave like 20 minutes early so I could catch the bus. I mean Jesus Fucking Christ. Like what is 20 minutes going to do to effect half the terms work missing? God I swear some people are just so annoying. Well fuck it! I'm going back to being heavy, and I'm going to completely forget about you know who, and I'm going to find Jenny and see if she wants to be with me, and if not, then fuck that whole idea too. I'll still study, and go to school, but I'm going to so fucking straight forward with people it's not fucking funny. Anyone on my hate list is getting a fist full when I see them next and anyone on my friends list, well I fucking find a way we can hang more. School is shit and I don't need sleep, ever, again, yeah! God damn I swear I'm just to the point of hating life.



Oh, and if you're religious and thinking, man, he's swearing a lot, get over it, fuck!

Time Travel

I had a thought last night. I was thinking about time travel. I was dreaming about going back in time and watching myself playing. Then I thought, what if I did? What if in the future I go back and watch myself, and while I'm thinking about it now, I'm standing over in the dark, watching myself?

number one zero

I've lost it, it's gone and I know I can't get it back.
There on my finger I wore it for so long, and now that I've lost it, I know she's gone. I wish I could find it again, I wish I could find her again. And just like I know where I could find it, I know where I could find her. But then, what's the point of killing yourself more than you need to. The fires in the hottest parts of hell couldn't hurt more than this, and to wear it again would only remind me and hurt me every day. But what if I don't want to forget. What if I'd rather be known for my crazy optimism. Should I be her #1 zero and keep her in the corner of my eye? Do I want to fall asleep each night, wanting to cry, crying not for what I've lost, but for what I've found.

Even given the best of circumstances, I know I could never have her. But it's the fact that I'll never have the chance to tell her. She'll never truly know, never, that I do love her, for what reason I can hardly explain to myself.

Meditation

From across the train I stare, looking deep at something that isn't there. In my mind I'm not really here, I'm somewhere else, somewhere better. Sand runs on for miles in every direction, and there's not a cloud in the sky, but it's not hot out. Here I am alone, my thoughts belong to me and me alone, and I need nothing more to survive. Here I can run endlessly, or sit, or fight. I can say whatever I want, do whatever I need, try anything I'd like.



As someone else walks by, they wave their arm, expecting a reply. I will give them one, in my own time. It doesn't matter who they are, they can wait for just one minute, while I say goodbye to my imaginary friends, and leave this place where I am at peace. Only one thing is missing from this place, and it's what I feel I need the most. One day I'll find her, one day.

wasting away

Everything's falling apart now, none of it will stay. Not sure what I did to make this happen, not that it matters anyway. My thoughts are all broke and my words relay my thoughts so well as I choke. I haven't the slightest hope and now I'm broke. I've lost almost all that I had and no one could help me now, not that I'd care, I'm too sad. Depressed is an understatement as my dreams become more distant. I wish not to experience these things, I don't want to be here.

I will move on, that much is clear, but a different man will come of this, and he won't be so foolish. His heart will be cold and hardened to the love that might linger so close to him, and though he may seem to return a love, he will be truly reluctant to share love with another. The world is simply not trustworthy for such free enterprise.

Underworld Rocked!!!

Underworld: Evolution is the best, if you see only one movie this year, make it that one! (yes I just said that, you have to see X-men 3 and Pirates of the Caribbean too)

So I'm taking these super easy tests in my excel class, like right now. So easy the teacher almost thought I cheated. Geez, insult my intelligence.

Screams Violently in the Dark!!!!

Oh fun! "deep depressed sarcasium"

So my comp is fried right now, toast-a-mego... I'm not sure what's eating it, but I just formated it (yes I'm on the comp I know, me and my magic). So I have crap to do tomorrow now for sure, hw, fixing my comp, babysitting, maybe I'll go hang myself while I'm at it.

Anyone have any better ideas about this girl issue I've got, because right now my plan is to hack her myspace account. Unblock myself, and add myself as a freind. Then see how long it takes her to notice.

Open the window...

beyond what I can confess, more painful then I might be capable to describe, somewhere inside I hurt and scream in anguish, screaming so loud yet you can not hear why these words don't come out quite clear enough for you to understand, holding back to pace myself so that I may not race myself but finding it hard to hold it in, these feelings I'd like to share around, so freely I might turn these feelings to sound and then you might know somehow, these emotions running though my head, making my blood boil, driving me mad, you might have a grasp then of how deep the depths are, from which my shout has made it so far, bellowing from the depths of hell, spawning forth in a burst of radiance to fulfill... the one thing in any existence that matters still, and can never be changed, no matter the spell, to explain the meaning of my love... and nothing more, returning to it's origins, the depths of hell, and hoping when it returns, someone's opened a window, so that the light may shine though... showing no remorse, if the window is still found to be drawn...

Counting Flowers on the Wall

Here I sit and there I wait,
I make no move to hasesen my journy,
I'm just fine sitting here,

My pain means nothing,
My feelings are mute,

I'll wait forever,
Just sitting and waiting,
After all I have nothing better to do...

Silence Canyon

Though the canyon I am buried in is a deep one, my calls receive no reply from these overbearing walls. My loudest cry seems to make absolutely no sound. I cast stones in the air but don’t hear their landing on the ground. I listen closely as I watch a lizard scramble up a dead tree, but when I hear no sound I know where I am and I don’t want to stay.



In silence canyon no words can be spoken that another can hear. No movement or action can be taken to disturb the absence of sound. The silence is so deafening that even remembering a sound is impossible. You can’t hear yourself speak, nor act, nor think.



I did not come here by choice, though I know how I got here and I wasn’t forced into coming. It was just a pit stop they said on the tour bus, somewhere to rest your feet and enjoy a little quite. They did however forget to mention what time to return to the group, and now I’m here alone, unable to call for help.

I'm by myself

Unsure of where I stand and not knowing where I am, floundering to find myself, trying to understand. Eating myself up inside just to see if I might die all the while trying to find what makes me tick and what makes me cry. Seeing what it is isn't enough, feeling it is just on the surface. I run like a flash just to get ahead of myself.

I trip, fall, and pass myself lying there. When I see that I have fallen I return to the scene, not to help but to criticize. I now that it's myself I'm talking to, but I know that I know how to run and I shouldn't have fallen. A swift kick should do the trick, but I hesitate to kick myself while I'm down. Naturally my foot moves and I double over as I kick myself to the ground while lying there.

I lay there by myself for some time, trying to understand, unsure of where I stand, not knowing where I am. Now I've found myself, that's me lying there, and with that it's pretty clear where I stand. Now to find out where I am, it might not prove to be difficult it only I wasn't nowhere to be found.

I suppose it doesn't matter, where I am means nothing anymore. Something better must come around, something I can do, somewhere I can go. A place I can call home, one that makes me feel good. Until then I'll just lay here by myself and dream.