Fuck life!

At this point I'm fucking plain pissed! I've all but had it with this bullshit, fucking stupid ass school and work crap. My teacher really felt she had to keep me 5-10 minutes so she could inform me that I wasn't doing well and why. Like I'm some kind of fucking idiot! I know I don't have over half the terms assignments in. I mean I'd have to be an absolute fucking moron to not know that. I mean what the fuck? Like there is any way I can do anything about it there in class? I wanted to leave like 20 minutes early so I could catch the bus. I mean Jesus Fucking Christ. Like what is 20 minutes going to do to effect half the terms work missing? God I swear some people are just so annoying. Well fuck it! I'm going back to being heavy, and I'm going to completely forget about you know who, and I'm going to find Jenny and see if she wants to be with me, and if not, then fuck that whole idea too. I'll still study, and go to school, but I'm going to so fucking straight forward with people it's not fucking funny. Anyone on my hate list is getting a fist full when I see them next and anyone on my friends list, well I fucking find a way we can hang more. School is shit and I don't need sleep, ever, again, yeah! God damn I swear I'm just to the point of hating life.



Oh, and if you're religious and thinking, man, he's swearing a lot, get over it, fuck!

Time Travel

I had a thought last night. I was thinking about time travel. I was dreaming about going back in time and watching myself playing. Then I thought, what if I did? What if in the future I go back and watch myself, and while I'm thinking about it now, I'm standing over in the dark, watching myself?

number one zero

I've lost it, it's gone and I know I can't get it back.
There on my finger I wore it for so long, and now that I've lost it, I know she's gone. I wish I could find it again, I wish I could find her again. And just like I know where I could find it, I know where I could find her. But then, what's the point of killing yourself more than you need to. The fires in the hottest parts of hell couldn't hurt more than this, and to wear it again would only remind me and hurt me every day. But what if I don't want to forget. What if I'd rather be known for my crazy optimism. Should I be her #1 zero and keep her in the corner of my eye? Do I want to fall asleep each night, wanting to cry, crying not for what I've lost, but for what I've found.

Even given the best of circumstances, I know I could never have her. But it's the fact that I'll never have the chance to tell her. She'll never truly know, never, that I do love her, for what reason I can hardly explain to myself.

Meditation

From across the train I stare, looking deep at something that isn't there. In my mind I'm not really here, I'm somewhere else, somewhere better. Sand runs on for miles in every direction, and there's not a cloud in the sky, but it's not hot out. Here I am alone, my thoughts belong to me and me alone, and I need nothing more to survive. Here I can run endlessly, or sit, or fight. I can say whatever I want, do whatever I need, try anything I'd like.



As someone else walks by, they wave their arm, expecting a reply. I will give them one, in my own time. It doesn't matter who they are, they can wait for just one minute, while I say goodbye to my imaginary friends, and leave this place where I am at peace. Only one thing is missing from this place, and it's what I feel I need the most. One day I'll find her, one day.

wasting away

Everything's falling apart now, none of it will stay. Not sure what I did to make this happen, not that it matters anyway. My thoughts are all broke and my words relay my thoughts so well as I choke. I haven't the slightest hope and now I'm broke. I've lost almost all that I had and no one could help me now, not that I'd care, I'm too sad. Depressed is an understatement as my dreams become more distant. I wish not to experience these things, I don't want to be here.

I will move on, that much is clear, but a different man will come of this, and he won't be so foolish. His heart will be cold and hardened to the love that might linger so close to him, and though he may seem to return a love, he will be truly reluctant to share love with another. The world is simply not trustworthy for such free enterprise.

Underworld Rocked!!!

Underworld: Evolution is the best, if you see only one movie this year, make it that one! (yes I just said that, you have to see X-men 3 and Pirates of the Caribbean too)

So I'm taking these super easy tests in my excel class, like right now. So easy the teacher almost thought I cheated. Geez, insult my intelligence.