A letter for her...

You're like my happy drug, and I need a fix. When you're sad it makes me sad, like a bad acid trip. I loose sleep thinking about you and cry just thinking you might be gone.I wish you would love me like you love him, I wish I could be your happy drug... It doesn't make sense I know, but it makes all the sense in the world, because I know. I know you don't like broccoli or cauliflower, at least uncooked. I know opal looks better with white gold than it does with yellow gold. I don't understand you, but I feel you. Your emotions bleed into me through photosynthesis, you're the light of my life.I want to save you from you're pain, save us from our pain, make you happy again. I want to hold you tight until the dawn, to awake to see your beautiful face, to feel your heart close to mine.

Recalling what I've done (lately)

Working in reverse...

I stopped by to hi to Laura the other day, just cause I haven't seen her in a little while. That was cool, this lady in line started inserting herself into our conversation in funny ways. We started talking about hanging out after she got off work but that didn't happen. Maybe next week, I'll think of something, a get together of sorts.

I've worked my ass off the last few days making sure to get this video done for this web page I was supposed to change, and still Forrest isn't happy with it. It's very frustrating compressing and editing HD video that's not supposed to be editable. That's right, I talked to my video buds at work and they told me the video that comes from my Sony T500 isn't meant to ever be edited, and most of all not by the likes of someone like me (Jeff said he wouldn't even try).

I saw Tara about a week ago. She's told me she's been sort of anti-social as of late. I think I need to try to find some time we can hang out, maybe do a photoshoot together or something. But soon she'll be visiting Cali again so I'll wait till she comes back.

I've had a strange epiphany of sorts. I wasn't really thinking about anything when the idea popped into my head, "how old am I?" Seems silly I know, but the answer was the reason for the question. See, I'm 22, almost 23, and I'm a worthless nobody... I mean really now. I'm at the prime age where I should be active and responsible and taking chances trying to pave my way through life. Yet I've been working these minimum wage jobs and spending money on all sorts of stupid shit like I'm made of money. I don't go anywhere or do much of anything and as a result I feel loserish. I'm not saying "this is the new me" like I'm going to change overnight, but things have to change. I can't stay like this, I won't.

Bye now. More later.

Skattered Crap from my mind...

From where-ever it is that it sits it did rise to the occasion known as then. That point we'd like like to honestly forget. I find it annoying and found it quite trouble-some and now I think I forgot what I was talking about. I thought.

Anyways, so it's not what I thought it was but rather the truth. A troubled mind found refuge. Video games are fun. Hey I can't stop thinking about Volkswagen Beetles right now. Can you?

It's like I'm tired and I don't have a reason to be, I'm depressed without something to be depressed about, stressed with nothing on my plate. Everything in my mind spits like a camel. I have a pack a cigarettes on me half the time but I don't smoke.

Time isn't true, it's like the rest of it all. There's like a thin coat of bullshit covering the world and I've never licked past it until now.

The trigger I pulled, the sign that came out.

Friday night, went out and hung out with the guys (Hook and Billy). Ate at Chipotle, stopped by Starbucks, had some drink there that was good and kinda tasted like Cookie Crisp. Then we went and saw Fired Up, which was like 50 times funnier than I thought it would be. In fact I liked it, but maybe too much, felt a bit weird wanting to be part of that movie, lol. Totally weird though, this actress in the movie, played this mouthy little sister, and the character was awesome, but I recognized her from another movie. It was Atonement, she plays the younger sister and that's a complete switch of personality. Then I realized she's in City of Ember as well, and again her character is very different. Very talented girl, and weird string of movies to be in.

Saturday night I was supposed to be hanging with Kerry at the bowling alley, but for no reason she never messaged me, never replied to my messages, never called me, nothing. So I didn't go, figuring she forgot. Bummer.

Liz, stopped by my work yesterday, that was tight. She was looking at Canon cameras but it was slow enough I walked around and talked with her for about a half-hour. Got her number so in the future we could talk, and she says she's going to see Watchmen with us opening night. That otta be tiz'ight!

Days and their going and the exit they use

So last Friday night was cool. I had all these plans to go Ice Skating, then Billy text me to hang with him and Hook but nothing ever came of that. So I went down to say hi to Laura and she was heading downtown to meet her friend Josh. So I tagged along and we met up with Josh, pretty cool guy. Went back to where he was staying, meet some more cool people, drank, chilled. It was cool, too bad Laura had to go home, there was a party. I probably should have went to the party but decided to go home instead.

Valentines day, sucky and lame.

Worked Sunday and Monday, new Heroes was weird. I think Noah (HRG) is Rebel and that's what the next episode is going to reveal. But what do I know?

Tuesday, first day I stopped what I was doing and set up my studio, or at least the first part of it. I'll post images later. Going to be setting it up again today. And tomorrow. When finished it should be nice.

Gay news and good news...

Simple as it is, Ice Skating tomorrow night! Gay? Maybe, maybe yes... oh welll!!!! It's $7 to skate from 7:30 till 10:00pm, and there's a DJ. Sounds like enough fun to me.

The other night went to the Rialto with Hook, got a little drunk and played pool. That was awesome, though neither of us are crazy about pool it was still awesome. After we came back I decided to walk into St. Johns and back for no reason. That was alright but mostly cause I don't know, I just didn't want to go home yet. Maybe I miss chillen', if ya know what I mean.

The 21st people, cosmic bowling at Interstate lanes. Kerry and I so far, I told Hook, I'll tell all others. We should bring more people then we can count. Yeah.

Ridicules

I'm not sure what to make of things now. Some things have answers while others are just dumb as fuck. I've been sick for a few days, and I'm still sick for the most part. That alone doesn't make sense to me, I mean, I don't think I'm unstoppable or something, but this cold has been the longest lasting in about three years. So what is this like the turbo cold? Anyways, so last night I went to see the movie Push. I'd of seen it Thursday night but there was no midnight showing. I called Hook to see if he wanted to come but he'd made plans to go hang out with Billy at his house. Well, I'm not judging or anything, but I seem to recall he told me that when he goes over there to hang out like all too often he just ends up watching Billy play video games and that he's not too into the do nothing scene. Why then he would say nah to the movies at the mall is beyond me, but oh well.

So I had some TB and chilled at the mall checking out the chicks... I mean merchandise... that sounds worse what am I saying. Continuing on, so I stopped by AE, cute chick in there, we talked for a few minutes. I probably should have asked her if she wanted to see the movie with me but it didn't cross my mind while I was there. I started to get a fever again at that point, so I headed to Dollar Tree for Ibuprofen. Laura! She usually isn't there that late at night but there she was checking people out (as a cashier...). So I got what I needed and a cheap pair of sunglasses for no reason. Asked her if she wanted to join in and see the movie. She said she did but ended up not going cause her mom said no. Bummer. We did agree that seeing Confessions of a Shopaholic was a must.

The movie was good, the plot was too similar to Jumper though. Some people didn't like the ending, I thought it was funny as shit. But I'm weird apparently. Anyways, so I started working on my new web page this morning. It'll be alright, nothing too cool. The new Von Doom web page will look good, but I'm losing interest in the whole Von Doom scene. I don't know. It's just bleh.

Alex and I have been talking about doing another photoshoot again sometime in the future. It's pretty cool because I've been wanting to do another shoot with her, she's just good, and good looking. I think after I finish my new page I will also get in touch with Holly and Christanna again and try to get more shoots going. I've also been trying to get a studio together, even if it's a crap shoot setup. Something is better than nothing.

Another project I'm slowly working on is converting part of my garage into a hangout place. Somewhere we can party, chill, drink... whatever. The main objective to overcome though is the door. It's an older full sized garage door. To make it more warmth retaining (and noise proof) I need to build a temporary wall and man door that can assemble quickly and work efficiently, as well as withstand abuse.